Audiophile Air
Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 5:06 pm
Introducing 'Audiophile Air'.
Carlos Van Der Jen, Vintage Audio on FB.
"Your turntable plinth is a 500 pound block of beryllium oxide, your tone arm is made of the finest Brazilian graphene and your needle is an Australian hummingbird tooth. Your tubes are all NOS European Gold Lions, Mullards and Telefunkens recently discovered in a hoard from New Zealand, your interconnects are rhodium plated, hyperlitz, oxygen free 24ct gold specially wound to negate skin effect, and you paid more for your capacitor upgrade than you did for your BMW, but you are still not satisfied with the detail and expanse of your sound stage. You have tried every combination of interconnect, speaker cable, cable riser and designer fuse imaginable but it still isn’t good enough. You are at wits end in your global pursuit of the perfect audiophile system. What is wrong? What are you lacking?
Like most audiophiles, you have overlooked the most important and least understood part of your system: the air linking your speaker cones to your eardrums. You are using the same everyday air used in appliance stores to demo boom boxes. No wonder you aren’t satisfied.
A solution has been found by researchers at Atmospheric System Synergies Company (ASSCo). ASSCo’s engineers realized that the same old nitrogen and oxygen, with trace amounts of argon and carbon dioxide that you burn in your car engine, were what stood between audiophiles and audio nirvana. To address this problem, many different molecules were experimented with before arriving at the proprietary blend included in every tank of Audiophile Air. Without giving away any trade secrets, lets just say this new medium is a nearly perfect two-to-one blend of nitrogen and oxygen synergistically combined in one molecule. The results: astounding.
In order to do a dependable double-blind test to verify the effect of Audiophile Air, we evacuated the test chamber, flushed it with helium to remove any trace of everyday air and then filled the room with Audiophile Air. To make sure the Audiophile Air was properly burned-in, we played Tin Hindenberg’s “Escalator to Hell” and “Yoko Ono sings Gilbert and Sullivan”, both 43 bit, 537 kHz ultra hi rez original master recordings, over and over for 24 non-stop hours.
After burn-in was complete, we invited musicians and audiophiles alike to participate in listening tests and share their impressions of what they heard. The most popular test track was “Dynaco Hum”, a cut from Fronk Zippo’s 1973 album “Over-wrought Sensation”. In the test chamber filled with normal air, Oyle Slick of The Jefferson Wheelchair was heard to comment, “meh”, but in the Audiophile Air test chamber, Slick commented, “wow, man, this is so real it’s just like being there. I think I just had an orgasm.” This reaction was typical of musicians and audiophiles alike. After taking a few deep breaths of Audiophile Air, all listeners, young and old, rich and poor, golden ears or not, reported a similar listening experience.
But don’t take our word for it, try Audiophile Air for yourself. It is available in small and large cylinders for average size listening rooms or for those who have large listening rooms or small theaters, delivery by tanker truck can be arranged.
Audiophile Air, coming soon to a high end salon and showroom near you."
Carlos Van Der Jen, Vintage Audio on FB.
"Your turntable plinth is a 500 pound block of beryllium oxide, your tone arm is made of the finest Brazilian graphene and your needle is an Australian hummingbird tooth. Your tubes are all NOS European Gold Lions, Mullards and Telefunkens recently discovered in a hoard from New Zealand, your interconnects are rhodium plated, hyperlitz, oxygen free 24ct gold specially wound to negate skin effect, and you paid more for your capacitor upgrade than you did for your BMW, but you are still not satisfied with the detail and expanse of your sound stage. You have tried every combination of interconnect, speaker cable, cable riser and designer fuse imaginable but it still isn’t good enough. You are at wits end in your global pursuit of the perfect audiophile system. What is wrong? What are you lacking?
Like most audiophiles, you have overlooked the most important and least understood part of your system: the air linking your speaker cones to your eardrums. You are using the same everyday air used in appliance stores to demo boom boxes. No wonder you aren’t satisfied.
A solution has been found by researchers at Atmospheric System Synergies Company (ASSCo). ASSCo’s engineers realized that the same old nitrogen and oxygen, with trace amounts of argon and carbon dioxide that you burn in your car engine, were what stood between audiophiles and audio nirvana. To address this problem, many different molecules were experimented with before arriving at the proprietary blend included in every tank of Audiophile Air. Without giving away any trade secrets, lets just say this new medium is a nearly perfect two-to-one blend of nitrogen and oxygen synergistically combined in one molecule. The results: astounding.
In order to do a dependable double-blind test to verify the effect of Audiophile Air, we evacuated the test chamber, flushed it with helium to remove any trace of everyday air and then filled the room with Audiophile Air. To make sure the Audiophile Air was properly burned-in, we played Tin Hindenberg’s “Escalator to Hell” and “Yoko Ono sings Gilbert and Sullivan”, both 43 bit, 537 kHz ultra hi rez original master recordings, over and over for 24 non-stop hours.
After burn-in was complete, we invited musicians and audiophiles alike to participate in listening tests and share their impressions of what they heard. The most popular test track was “Dynaco Hum”, a cut from Fronk Zippo’s 1973 album “Over-wrought Sensation”. In the test chamber filled with normal air, Oyle Slick of The Jefferson Wheelchair was heard to comment, “meh”, but in the Audiophile Air test chamber, Slick commented, “wow, man, this is so real it’s just like being there. I think I just had an orgasm.” This reaction was typical of musicians and audiophiles alike. After taking a few deep breaths of Audiophile Air, all listeners, young and old, rich and poor, golden ears or not, reported a similar listening experience.
But don’t take our word for it, try Audiophile Air for yourself. It is available in small and large cylinders for average size listening rooms or for those who have large listening rooms or small theaters, delivery by tanker truck can be arranged.
Audiophile Air, coming soon to a high end salon and showroom near you."